“Do you want to ESCAPE from this? Or do you want to EXPERIENCE it in a new way?”
This question popped into my mind just now, as half asleep, I succumbed to staying in bed vs. rising up to face the day. It is a gloriously sunny Saturday after too many grey winter weeks. I can smell the fresh air breezing into my wide-open kitchen window.
“Do you want to experience this in a different way?”
Why wouldn’t I get up, get dressed, and get out?
I DON’T WRITE ABOUT DEPRESSION. OR DO I?
Someone recently referred to this blog as a place where I write about depression. I fought the idea.
I write about mental health, addiction recovery, and suicide prevention. I write about having PTSD; staying alive despite deeply-engrained patterns of self-harm; reaching the other side of long-engraved triggers and impulses; and thriving after all. I write about Complex Developmental Trauma and all that comes with it; the experience of discovering, acknowledging, and naming buried events; the process of addressing, treating, and healing. I write about seeking support and accepting help that leads to growth and change. I write about the solutions that have brought me to this moment, where I am truly alive and well…yet still…at times…unwilling to get out of bed on a gorgeous Saturday morning after a fairly grueling week of work and unexpected physical ailments.
To most, this is a normal illustration of the human condition. “I had a tough week! What’s wrong with a lazy Saturday?” Nothing! Nothing at all – IF you don’t have my brand of PTSD. Yes, I am truly alive and well – AND I am always at -risk of sinking into habits, impulses, and triggers that could lead to a less lively and more unwell brain.
And so I rise.
I’m up, I’m into the day, I’m writing. I admit that I am writing about depression – because staying in bed on the first sunny day of a dreary winter is most certainly a symptom.
EVOLUTION
I also write about yoga.
The Urban Yoga Den blog has evolved over its 15 years. At first it was an outlet for my post Yoga Teacher Training whirlwind of awe, discovery , and study. It then morphed into a more constructive venue for sharing my journey with and solutions for mental illness. I shared about addiction recovery, therapy, and yoga – plus a slew of complementary activities such as nature immersion, urban walkabouts, music, and self-care. But in 2018 and 2020, two suicide attempts showed me that all those efforts were not fool-proof. That this brain and mind needed a proper diagnosis, expert medical support, and different therapies. The journey of healing, growth, and change became less about “doing more” and more about “finding more” – more effective treatments, tools, and skills. It became less about “self-care” and more about acccepting care from others – doctors, healers, loved ones, and communities.
In recent years, the Urban Yoga Den blog has been a bit bare, as I’ve been writing shorter pieces on my Urban Yoga Den (Holly Meyers) Facebook page. The last three blogs (2019, 2020, and 2023) focused on my recovery from the two attempts, and described my process of healing and renewed wellness.
Today I’m re-launching the blog with renewed commitment and the intention to write at least one piece per month in 2024.
ESCAPE VS. EXPERIENCE
Let’s revisit my post-YTT awe about yogic ideology and take a look at the afore-mentioned concept of “escape” vs. “experience.”
Last month, I taught four weeks of “Soothing Sundays” online and in-person through Simon Says Yoga in Glen Echo, MD (just over the DC line). The class combines slow-flow yoga, Yoga Nidra (aka guided deep relaxation), and meditation. These January classes were offered free-of-charge, to encourage folks to dive into 2024 mindfully, and, to introduce them to my favorite way to guide yoga: via the Eight Limbs.
According to traditional yoga, there is a unique approach toward being able to live as a “spiritual” being AND exist productively and harmoniously among the “realities” of life.
That path is know as the Eight Limbs.
Whether you realize it or not, every time you attend a yoga class, you are experiencing a portion of that journey. You think you’re exercising. You think you’re working up a sweat. You think you’re breathing heavily. You think you’re toning or stretching your body. You may even think you’re meditating. Above all, you think you’re taking a break from life. And you are! But the fact is, all those activities evolved from an ancient system of shaping mind, body, breath, and senses in order to cultivate focus, presence, and alignment with intention. When practiced consistently, with dedication, and over time, yoga brings us to engage more deeply with life.
“Yogas citta vritti nirodhah” means “Yoga rids the mind of disturbances.”
This statement is the second aphorism in the most studied yoga text, “The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali.” (The first statement is simple: “And now, yoga.”) We learn right then and there that the goal of yoga is to balance the mind. Well, duh! We all know how much better our brains feel and behave after class. Right? Imagine what it would feel like to sustain that state longer than your lunch break…or despite that traffic jam…or all the way through the toughest trials of your life.
The good news? It’s easy. And it requires only one simple shift in how we approach, engage with, and honor our yoga practice.
SANKALPA
Loosely translated as “intention,” the word “Sankalpa” holds a more urgent meaning when it comes to reaping the intended benefits of yoga. That blissy, la-la, post-class feeling is a temporary clearing of “citta vritti.” But when we precede class with moments of witnessing the mind, body, breathing, and senses, we can identify and set an intention that holds a deeper resolve and purpose than a mere goal or to-do list.
Sankalpa: An intentionally shaped state of focus that fills the mind with purpose, after observing and acknowledging it’s disturbances and distractions.
Sankalpa: A deep resolve, based on needs identified only by witnessing the whole of our Selves without judgment or criticism, rather with curiosity and wonder.
Sankalpa: When tapped before the practice of physical yoga, this deeply resolved intention awakens meaning and brings depth to the exercises, the sweat, the breathing, the meditation, the break from life. Over time, the “break” becomes life. The post-class la-la state fuses with daily existence, and evolves into 24/7/365 purpose.
Getting back to the Eight Limbs of yoga. For me, the limbs serve as a reliable and time-tested process of growth. The sequential practice of setting purposeful intentions (limbs 1 & 2), moving and shaping the body (3), deepening the breath (4), and softening the senses (5) decreases distraction, therefore opening the way for increased focus (6) and pure presence (7). And then the Eighth Limb – known as “Samadhi” and often translated as “bliss or enlightenment” – becomes accessible.
I think of Samadhi as a state where I am free of obstacles, and therefore more easefully aligned with the intentions I set in limbs 1 & 2. The “bliss” is a contentment of living in concert with my values. The “enlightenment” is not a rising above or separation from others – but an Ah-Hah Moment where I see that there is no “other.”
So you might see why it helps if, before I approach an intention-filled yoga practice, I pause to take a brief inventory of the state I’m in at the moment. Where am I coming from? What am I bringing to practice with me? How am I feeling in my body and breathing? How are my senses trying to distract me? Where is my mind? After I lend a sense of curiosity toward my state, I offer that valid and valuable information to my practice. “Here yoga, this is what I’ve got for you. Do your magic.” Rather than forcing peace of mind or poses or breath or presence, I allow yoga to do its work of shaping me toward a more aligned existence.
FREEDOM
The concept of the “Jivan Mhukta” describes a state of no-otherness. The Jivan Mhukta is a liberated being who lives soulfully on earth, engaged in the realm of human realities. They are here, now. There is no need to escape from life, because life becomes an experience of presence, curiosity, and harmony.
For the Jivan Mhukta, yoga is freedom.
Since the start of 2024, I have been guiding this Eight-Limbed process of tapping into purpose and harmony every Sunday evening. I’m not sure whether my students are aware of my approach to teaching this weekly class. But I am certainly aware of the energy of intention and feeling of bliss in the room. To me, it feels like a studio full of Jivan Mhuktas.
SEE FOR YOURSELF
As I said above, “Soothing Sunday: Slow Flow Yoga” is offered online and in-person through Simon Says Yoga outside of Washington, DC. The classes are Free in January, then continue at the regular class price (drop-in or discounted class pass) from February onward. Visit SimonSaysYoga.com for details and registration.
I hope to practice with you soon. OM Shanti Shanti Shanti. Peace, please. Holly
The Urban Yoga Den 