In this blog, I’ve shared about addiction and recovery, violations and PTSD, yoga and non-violence, depression and celebrations, challenges and solutions. Because I have thankfully found my way (and been helped) through a great deal of hardship in life, I like to tell my story honestly – the tough parts, the growth, the transformation and the solutions.
But there is one area of my life that I haven’t shared about here. Because as of yet, I have not found the solution. I have not transformed. I am not growing. And I am ashamed to tell you about it. So far.
* * *
One week ago I launched this “Full of Shift” series (for background, see “The origins of ‘Full of Shift: 30 Days of New Energy’” below). Since writing the blogs for Days 1 & 2 last week, I’ve simply posted daily “Full of Shift” reflections on my Urban Yoga Den Facebook. Below are those posts, plus added commentary, for Days 3 through 7 (today).
* * *
12/30/12. Day 3.
No long blog today – just a quick check in, for the record.
This wind is sockin’ it to me! It’s blowing things all over the place! While lighting my incense and chanting this morning, the message was – New Energy Is Here!
* * *
12/31/12. Day 4.
MAKE ROOM for the unexpected.
Delights and disappointments.
Successes and failures.
In that spaciousness –
This reflection came to me during meditation this morning, as I considered the unusually good outcome of the unexpected bad news I received on Friday. Due to miscommunication with our yoga studio’s building owner, I found out (only 3 days in advance) that I could not use our wonderful studio space for my annual New Year’s Eve Sankalpa Vinyasa event. Disappointing, and potentially a failure for all involved. Stress skyrocketed – but I did what I know best! I reached out for help, shifted into “crisis resolution” mode, and found solutions. And now, because so much has come together – community, people, space, rhythm, creativity and more – the situation ends up being a great success and delight for all. Happy New Year!
* * *
01/01/13. Day 5.
After so much recent work on intention, and holding space while others dig into theirs, what came to me this morning during meditation is: I still struggle with how to make all the pieces fit together for sustainability. Ah – more information for next steps. Onward…
* * *
01/02/13. Day 6.
Big questions arose in this morning’s meditation. Primarily: I see clearly that I urgently need to MAKE ROOM. But how? First I must make room in my mind to hear the answer! Hence this 30-day ritual.
Later, I came across this on Facebook. I don’t know who Dr. Robert Anthony is, but I’m just going to believe him today. “Any dream that can pass through one’s screen of logic into the Subconscious and is earnestly desired, can be obtained. Once you give up all the “logical reasons” why something cannot work for you and allow your new dream or goal to enter your Subconscious, it’s an idea whose time has come.” – Dr. Robert Anthony
* * *
01/03/13. Day 7.
End of my 1st week. Last night, at midnight, and under the waning moon, I prayed desperately to know what I need to let go of in order to make room for New Energy. “Whatever you want me to, I will let go of it. Take it away from me. Anything. Just take it. Please.”
In an area of my life that I am ashamed to reveal, I am horribly, horribly stuck. Last night I was pleading for answers. And this morning, as soon as I woke up, I got them. I think. I scribbled:
“How do I make room for fresh energy? By letting go of ego. By quitting the old patterns of self-reliance, self-centered fear, old stories and negative beliefs. Old patterns of sharing the solution for everything else and not admitting this unresolved problem. I must take the risk of exposing myself humbly, honestly and earnestly. I must ask for help and surrender to the care of Higher Powers (spirit, friends, community). I am wincing as I write this. The idea of admitting how bad it is turns my stomach. But, what do I have to lose?”
After I wrote this, I lit my incense and chanted my 108 “Asato Ma”s. And then I drafted a very honest letter to those I can trust. More will be revealed.
* * *
Thanks for reading. OM Shanti.
* * *
The origins of “Full of Shift: 30 Days of New Energy”
Over one month, from the Full Moon of 12/28/12 to the Full Moon of 1/26/13, I intend to awaken before dawn, light a stick of my new incense (a holiday gift, appropriately branded “New Energy”), practice Pranayama (yogic breathing) and chant 108 repetitions of the “Asato Ma” prayer (“lead me from falseness to truth, from darkness to light, from things that die off to that which is everlasting”). As with all of my other intention “projects,” I am not trying to force a specific outcome – simply to ask how I can bring New Energy to my life, to listen to any answers, to witness the subtle yet abundant shifts of late, and to see what evolves.