While lighting my incense this morning, I said a little affirmation (in question form) that I feel complements this endeavor of witnessing the subtle yet abundant shifts happening in my life lately. “How will I sustain my total well-being in order to serve others and live on-purpose?”
The question stems from my way too long term search for full-time work – in other words, my endurance of way too long term unemployment. I do have part-time work as a yoga teacher; and for this I am deeply grateful. Yet my search for full-time work has been beyond tough. There is the condition that 1,000s are looking for jobs now. And there’s the fact that I am 47 years old, 25 years away from my university degree, 7 years away from my last full-time job and seeking a new direction.
In January of this year, I sent a job search outreach letter to all of my e-mail contacts – about 3,000 folks – and had some immediate responses and support. However, no work emerged. So, in addition to the other challenges to this search, there’s the battle with my own negative stories – despite knowing deep down that I am talented, bright, energetic and worthy.
Consequently, the stress of the situation has become detrimental to my overall health. There is the embarrassment of scraping to pay bills…or, to be honest…borrowing to pay bills; the ongoing, soul-sucking financial worry; the shame about my financial situation and job search failures; the basic inability to take care of myself well because I can’t afford it; the loss of faith that things will be OK; and the (very typical human) fear that I will die penniless, alone, in a gutter. My physical, emotional and spiritual health are all suffering.
Despite this, I continue to trudge forward, day by day. I walk with purpose through this challenge. Most days I am smiling, acting as if all is well (because moment to moment, it truly is), and able to show up and serve others.
I like to state my morning affirmation in question form, because this is a month for asking questions, and observing what comes up. Each day as I light my New Energy incense, I will ask…and listen. Today, as soon as I said, “How will I sustain my total well-being in order to serve others and live on-purpose?” I heard within me, “MAKE ROOM.” Nothing more – simply, a resounding “MAKE ROOM.” The Full Moon was yesterday; as of today, it is waning. Which is the best time for letting go.
So today, I will make efforts to MAKE ROOM. More will be revealed. OM Shanti.
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The origins of “Full of Shift: 30 Days of New Energy”
Over one month, from the Full Moon of 12/28/12 to the Full Moon of 1/26/13, I intend to awaken before dawn, light a stick of my new incense (a holiday gift, appropriately branded “New Energy”), practice Pranayama (yogic breathing) and chant 108 repetitions of the “Asato Ma” prayer (“lead me from falseness to truth, from darkness to light, from things that die off to that which is everlasting”). As with all of my other intention “projects,” I am not trying to force a specific outcome – simply to ask how I can bring New Energy to my life, to listen to any answers, to witness the subtle yet abundant shifts of late, and to see what evolves.