Day 1. 12/28/12
I awoke this morning at 5:15 in order to chant 108 repetitions of the “Asato Ma” prayer (“lead me from unreal to real; from darkness to light; from things that dies of, to that which is everlasting”) as the Full Moon peaked.
Yup, it’s that time again – time to utilize the tools of change in a very deliberate effort. 2012 was a fantastic year of becoming stronger on the inside and gentler on the outside. For me, this shift is a welcome result of ongoing inner work. Still, these days, my dreams, sensations and experiences are messaging me that something big is beginning to boil. I hope to harness that “something” while it’s still simmering, so I can be in harmony with it, rather than subject to it.
I don’t know what this “something” is. I have an inkling the shift is related to my Purpose (upper case “P”), and my related work. I do know this: the night of the Winter Solstice, my heart exploded (see my last blog for details); days after, I had a dream that I dropped my future self on her head and she suffered horribly; and over the past week or so, I’ve been tripped up by surprising triggers.
So although the one-year period of late Fall 2011 through just weeks ago has yielded so much positive, this recent shakiness is not to be ignored. I truly believe it could yield some major change for the better – as long as I stay aware of and present with the shift.
So this morning, yes, I set the shift in motion by awakening before dawn, lighting a stick of my new incense (a holiday gift, appropriately branded “New Energy”), practicing Pranayama and chanting. And I plan to do this every morning for a month, until the next Full Moon. As with all of my other intention “projects,” I am not trying to force a specific outcome – simply to bring New Energy to my life, to witness these shifts and to see what evolves.
* * *
During this morning’s meditation, a few things came clear.
I need to make immediate amends for potentially harmful words of late. I just need to check in with some dear ones about some tongue-in-cheek remarks. Because I aim to be non-violent, I value accountability and I desire honest, healthy and caring relationships. Another moment of clarity – I have fallen off the yoga wagon and need to get back on with urgency. Because yesterday’s stream of dark consciousness on Facebook exhibits that I am off-balance. ‘Nuff said.
And – related to that – I need to seek a hormone specialist. (Sorry guys, just sayin’.)
Among other realizations, 2012 has been an enlightening year to observe that, as I’ve aged, a very specific, monthly, 10-day time period has evolved – during which I feel as though I do and say everything wrong – and/or I feel wronged by everything others do or say. Hmmm… Despite being well-aware that this time period – and its chemical propensity toward miscommunication and misunderstanding – is approaching, and despite progressively increasing precautions, such as changing my diet, taking nutritional supplements, and, promising myself to stay the heck off of Facebook and away from potentially rattling situations…without fail, the unreasonable and strangely obligatory impulse to dive in, wound and be wounded wins. Mama mia.
So yes, it’s time to seek a hormone specialist. Because 10 days is just too much life to lose to emotional insanity!
I’m giggling at myself while scribbling this in my journal. Ay, ay, ay – another life lesson. Looking forward to witnessing more and more over the next 30 days…and beyond, of course! Indeed. I am. Full of shift.