I’ve gained 10 pounds over the past 3 months.
There are some very tangible reasons why. My summer camp gig – during which, over a period of six weeks, I teach 90 Asana classes and 120 percussion lessons, and, run up and down the school’s stairs 100s of times – ended the first week in August. The last week in August I gave up teaching three of my regular weekly classes – and although I don’t practice all the Asana during class, I do join in for the warm-up Sun Salutations and many of the poses. And in September, I quit my part-time Florist job – for which I lifted dozens of buckets of water, chopped box after box of flower bunches, and climbed various steps with said buckets and flowers in-tow. So my level of vigorous activity decreased immensely for most of September and all of October.
“Why,” you might ask, “didn’t you simply switch out your activities…attend more yoga classes…jog…take up fencing?”
Because there are less tangible but more important reasons why I gained 10 pounds. I was busy getting comfortable with my Self. Yup. I was so busy climbing my way out of a major depression, re-gaining my emotional footing, digging deep to rebuild my inner strength and flying high with new truths, that I forgot to exercise my body. And you know what? I am OK with this.
In yoga, this might be called “Samtosha,” or, contentment.
The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali offer a design for living called the Eight Limbs. According to this ancient text, the primary purpose of yoga is to still the mind’s disturbances. So the eight-step process calms the mind and leads to discriminative discernment, wisdom, and/or, enlightenment. The process includes the Asana (poses), Pranayama (breathing exercises) and other popular practices from contemporary yoga classes. But the initial two limbs, seldom taught in our studios and gyms, present ethical or ideological considerations called Yama (Abstinence) and Niyama (Observance).
In his commentary on the Sutras, Swami Satchidananda says, “[The Yama and Niyama] are the foundation stones without which we can never build anything lasting.” To me this means that virtue comes before Asana, before Pranayama – before any of the widely familiar practices that I might know as “Yoga.” It’s an inside job. Or as my friend likes to tell her students, “Yoga is not a workout – it’s a work in.”
Samtosha/contentment is one of the Niyama. If I am content, “It is what it is” becomes my mantra. If I am content, I accept everything just as it is. If I am content, I have no expectations. If I am content, dissatisfaction, disappointment and discomfort fade to the background. If I am content, I am certainly moving toward that inner peace promised in the eight limb.
Further, Swami Satchidananda claims, “By contentment, supreme joy is gained.” And Swami Vivekananda’s promises, “From contentment comes superlative happiness.” So why beat myself up over 10 extra pounds? It is what it is. I’d rather feel supreme joy and superlative happiness than extreme self loathing. My jeans feel too tight, my muffin-top runneth over, and, yoga classes are kicking my butt. It’s humbling. But it’s right where I want to be. Because it’s the only place I can be. Accepting the here and now. Here. And. Now.
Y’know what else helps me accept where I am at this moment? Remembering that I’ve gained much more than 10 pounds over the past three months. I am grateful for every moment of that journey – from the darkness of despair to the celebration when light returned. I’ve discovered and embraced new ideals that define me. I’ve strengthened my purpose and priorities. I’ve found deep faith and liberating surrender. I’ve encircled myself with teachers of all guises. I’ve rebuilt trust. I’ve come to understand that the darkness itself can hold shining gems of enlightenment.
Yoga teacher Max Strom recently wrote, “When gratitude fills the dark heart with love and humility, the heart becomes illuminated.” He continues, reminding us to practice focusing on something that will inevitably bring a feeling of gratitude, “…to transform your state from a living hell, to a state of living contentment.”
OM Shanti, Shanti, Shanti.